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Sunday, October 21, 2012

A long overdue confession.

As you know, Bella was diagnosed on 6/19/12. It was a day we will NEVER forget as long as we live. The first month almost killed me. I thought every single day that I couldn't was too much. As the days, weeks and months have progressed, things have gotten easier. NOT easy, but easier. Nathan and I don't even have to verbally communicate about what Bella needs, it's just become second nature.

When Bella was born in February 2010, I quit my job as a Licensed Vet Tech. I LOVED what I did and I still miss working with animals every single day. It was one of those universe preparing you for something larger moments, I suppose, because if I was still working when Bella was diagnosed with T1 in June, I would have had to quit. She needs 24 hour care. She sleeps in my bed every night so I can check her BG every 3 hours. It is an all consuming life to live. I had plans the beginning of June to volunteer at the Humane Society, but that didn't happen either. In the shuffle of day to day life filling in as Bella's pancreas, I realized that I have lost my identity. I don't feel like I am anything except Mason & Bella's mom, a pancreas and a wife.

Recently, I decided I needed to find myself again. When I look in the mirror I hate what I see. I stress eat and since this summer has been SO incredibly stressful, I put on weight. Instead of wallowing in self pity, I decided to do something about it. I joined a group of other T1 moms and we are supporting each other in weight loss. I started Weight Watchers October 1& I have done very well so far.  Not even one temptation and I have stayed strong and motivated! I am very proud of myself :)  I had wanted to be able to exercise as well, but I had terrible knee pain in my right knee, which made even getting up off the couch to walk through the house excruciating. I had a doctor appointment last week and got a steroid injection in my knee. Guess what? It's as good as new....maybe even better!!!! Now I am able to exercise! I have been walking our dog at least once a day, sometimes twice. We go for 30-45 minute walks. I started working out with weights today. I know the weight didn't appear quickly, so it's not going to just disappear quickly, but I am feeling better about myself, more confident and I feel like I *might* just be finding myself again! It's very stress relieving to be able to take care of myself for once. Remember moms, you can't be a great mom if you don't take care of yourself first!

And one final comment, Bella is going to sleep in her bed for the first time in 4 months tonight! Wish us luck!!!!



  1. You are an awesome & beautiful mommy and I am so proud of the effort you have put forth to take care of yourself. You have discovered what you are made of . You CAN take care of your family and yourself. Here's to a healthy step forward .You inspire me dear friend.